


Never Stop Running

by indafallen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mild Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:14:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24512128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indafallen/pseuds/indafallen
Summary: I turn around and see a man. Looking as young and handsome as the last time I had seen him. With pale blond hair and blue eyes. It was Draco Malfoy. This couldn’t have been happening. How was he here? He was the last person I wanted to see. He’s going to be mad at me. I know it. I did something wrong. I know I should have stopped myself.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 4





	1. Prologue

How the hell did I get here?

I’m running down a long corridor. I don’t know if I’m running away or towards something. I’m out of breath and my legs are working harder than they have before. Torches on the side of the walls bask the hall in a warm glow. I don’t know why I’m here or what I’m doing. I just know that I can’t stop

Suddenly a woman appears up ahead. She turns towards me and I see that it’s Minerva Mcgonagall. No. She can’t know I’m here. I wasn’t supposed to see her.

As I run closer I see she’s confused. Worried. When I start to pass her, she lifts her wand, and I stun her. I couldn’t risk anything. No one could know I was here. I had to keep running

I turn back and see several people in front of me that were not there before. They’re all on the right side of the wall about five feet apart from each other. Just standing staring at me with a blank face. Professor Flitwick, Hermione, Hagrid. No. This is all wrong. They weren’t supposed to see me like this. None of them move as I hurry past them.

What is happening? What have I done?

Finally, I get to the end of the hall. And there is no way out. It was a dead end. I turn around and see a man. Looking as young and handsome as the last time I had seen him. With pale blond hair and blue eyes. It was Draco Malfoy.

This couldn’t have been happening. How was he here? He was the last person I wanted to see. He’s going to be mad at me. I know it. I did something wrong. I know I should have stopped myself.

“Why did you do it?” he asks me with a blank face.

“I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry” I cry out to him.

He doesn’t answer. He just keeps staring at me.

Everything starts spinning. Draco comes closer and it feels like he’s bringing the walls with him. Mcgonagall and everyone I had passed come out from behind me, and start chanting at me.

“Why did you do it? What did you do it?” they repeat over and over in my ear.

I try to speak but I can’t. I can’t breathe. I can’t move. I couldn’t do anything.

Suddenly everything stops. I burst out of bed. Shaking and drenched with sweat.

I don’t remember where I am. Once my eyes adjust, I see that I am in a hotel room. I remember I had checked into my tenth hotel for the month last night and had fallen asleep around midnight.

I check the window to see if anyone was on the street. It was empty. I go back to the bed and lay down. I try to go back to sleep even though I know it would be impossible. I couldn’t stop my brain from going a thousand miles a second.

I think back to my dream. It was the same one I have had almost every night for over a year. The same one that won’t let me forget that day. The day that has caused me to run away from my life. My responsibilities. I should have died that night. It had been my fault.

Instead I walked free while an innocent person was killed. I deserve to not have a life. A home. I deserve to be running for all eternity. Hell, I deserve fucking Azkaban for what I did, but no. I’m too much of a coward. That should be my life story.

I try to quiet my mind, so I can go back to sleep. Not wanting another nightmare, but at the same time, knowing I deserve one and to never wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic on this website. I'm very excited! The story is based on a vivid dream I had a few days ago. I may turn it into a series or collection of one-shots. Thoughts and criticism are very welcome!


	2. Games of Manipulation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is earlier in time than the last chapter.

I’m sitting alone on a green sofa in the common room, staring into the fire. Everyone else is either having fun at Hogsmeade or enjoying the beautiful day outside. I would have loved to have gotten out of the castle for the weekend, but no. I’m here alone in the dark Dungeons brooding because Draco just had to be his snobby self and screw everything up. And to think, I woke up feeling that today was going to be fun. I mean it started out fine. Breakfast was delicious, and Draco was actually in a good mood. That is, until he ran into Harry Potter.

_“Draco, don’t listen to what Potter said. He’s just being an obnoxious Gryffindor” I say softly to him as we’re walking to the courtyard to leave for Hogsmeade._

_“Ugh, get off me, Lena,” he says as he slaps my hand from his arm. “The last thing I need right now is hearing your irritating voice in my ear.” I feel tears in my eyes and quickly run back to the common room like some fragile little girl._

You know what? Fuck him and his emotionally stunted self. He doesn’t deserve to have me crushing on him. He already gets enough love from his mother. He doesn’t need me to fawn over him too. If he found out, it would go straight to his already gigantic ego. That shallow bastard.

He’s so obnoxious. He goes around acting like everyone adores him. He’s so quick to accept any and all praise but will carelessly tear you down if he’s feeling just the tiniest bit of inconvenience. If he’s sad, everyone around him has to be too while also doing everything they can to comfort him, and if he’s happy, then anyone who isn’t is just being _dramatic_ or _over-emotional_. And **_god forbid_** anyone disagree with him or have different beliefs. No, he has to let everyone know every single one of his opinions at all times. And if you don’t immediately agree or applaud him, then you’re _dishonorable_ and _uneducated_.

I swear to Merlin, his mood swings give me a fucking migraine. One minute he’s all over you, so you think that maybe he actually enjoys your presence. Then the next thing you know, he’s saying the cruelest things like it’s some sort of joke. And I _know_ he takes pleasure from it. You can see it on his smug face. His eyes glint and mouth quirks upward as he watches your reaction. Sometimes, if I’m feeling extra petty, I like to give him a piece of his own medicine. Pretend to not hear when he says my name or seem disinterested when he talks to me, but it’s like he can sense it somehow. He makes sure to not give you the satisfaction of a reaction. He just ignores you and finds someone else to give him attention.

I can’t even try to think of the possibility of him having feelings for me when I don’t even know if he even likes me as a friend most of the time. He takes so much glee in letting you know there's always someone else he can be going to. That he doesn’t really need you. And no matter how hard I try to resist, I always get sucked into his manipulative games. If he’s feeling nice or if you’ve given him enough attention, then he sometimes hugs you or laughs at your jokes. However, if you don't give him adequate praise or even accidentally spill something on him, then for the rest of the day you will only receive one word answers and minimal eye contact. It’s like some sick game of punishment vs. reward.

Merlin, I hate how much I yearn for his attention and validation. I hate the butterflies in my stomach when he looks in my eyes or the blush on my cheeks when he plays with my hair. People say that there’s a fine line between love and hate, and god, I wish it wasn’t so accurate. I can’t even enjoy hating him because I know that he would still take pleasure in it. Just as long as I’m thinking about him, he’s happy. I would give anything to just feel indifference. Apathy.

You know what? I’m done. He can live his life however he wants. I’m just not going to be a part of it anymore. If I am to truly forget about Draco, then I need distance from him and his gang. Besides, it’s about time I grow a pair and get some actual friends. Blaise and Pansy are nowhere near as bad as Draco, but their main goals are to still gain his attention. I can’t blame them for that, but I don’t think I can stick around. And Crabbe and Goyle can barely be considered actual people. No, I want friends that don’t require you to check a certain amount of boxes. That actually care to listen when you talk.

Just as soon as I’ve made my decision, the common room door swings open and in walks Draco and several other Slytherins behind him. I avert my eyes and go back to staring at the fire. I see Draco in the edge of my eyesight coming closer. He sits down on the couch beside me, and I forcefully press down the warm feeling in my stomach. Pansy follows behind and sits on the other side of the couch.

“Draco, do you want to play chess with me?” Pansy asks in a hopeful voice.

“Bloody hell Pansy, I just spent the whole day with you. Can’t I get one second without you breathing down my neck?” I see Pansy give a small nod and get up from the couch. I pity her. I know how it feels to be rejected by him. It happened to me this morning for Merlin’s sake.

“We missed you at Hogsmeade, Lena,” he says without feeling. I put all my effort into not looking at him.

“Whatever, Draco. I have to go,” I say with as much confidence as I can. I get up from the couch and head to the door. I’m about a couple steps away from the doorknob before I feel his hand on my elbow. I tear it from his grasp and whip around to face him. I glare into his eyes and try not to think about how beautifully blue they seem in the warm firelight. I see that he has an angry and slightly confused look on his face. “Don’t touch me,” I quietly ground out.

“Why are you being so dramatic?” he asks with judgement in his voice. I scoff.

“Like you care.” I roll my eyes. “Just leave me alone, Draco.” I walk out of the common room. I don’t know where I’m going. I just know that I need to get away from him. I get maybe five meters away before I hear quick footsteps behind me and see Draco come to stop in front of me. He has a worried look on his face, almost like panic.

“Lena, why are you mad at me? If this is about this morning then I didn’t mean what I said,” he says quickly. I realise this is the first time he’s ever actually shown real regret towards me. I want to revel in it. Run into his arms and tell him that it’s okay. Instead, I look away and keep walking past him.

“I’m sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear?” I hear behind me. I let out a dark laugh. Even his apologies are manipulative. I turn around to face him and see that he’s now fully panicking. I smile and furrow my brows at him in mocking sympathy.

“So what if I did want that, Draco? You wouldn’t even know it if it hit you in the face,” I say now glaring at him. “No, all you care about is yourself,” I finish, enjoying being the one in control for once.

“That’s not true, Lena. I care about you.” I let out another dark laugh.

“No, you’re only seeming to care right now because you realise you might lose a devoted admirer.” He sputters, and I see his eyes moving around quickly like he’s trying to find a response.

“No, you’re just lying right now to make yourself feel better,” he says more to himself than me. I sigh loudly.

“Whatever, Draco. I don’t need your validation anymore,” I turn away from him and keep walking. For a second, I regret what I had just done and start to turn around. Then I realise that I should be ecstatic. It's like some sort of weight is off my shoulders. For the first time today, I let aout genuine laugh. I no longer have to keep someone happy except for myself. I can speak and behave however I want without worrying if he’s going to get mad.

I get to the main floor, outside the Great Hall, and decide that I want to go outside. I go to the main double doors of the castle and walk outside for the first time today. I feel the small breeze brush against my skin and the warm sunlight dance over my face. I look around, feeling as though I could travel to the moon and back just for the fun of it if I really wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was feeling a bit angry, as you can probably tell, and decided I would write a short chapter about it.


End file.
